My Ramblings

Haiz...
Wad do i sae 2dae??
my daes been gettin from bad 2 worst..
haf u guys heard of getting 1 but losing 2??
datz exactly wad i'm experiencing nw....i can sense d pain of my loved ones leaving me so soon...nt nw pls..i beg of u...i jz wanted 2 begin my life wid 3 wonderful ppl but it seems like i'm wrong....totalli wrong....d luv i usta get from her is drifting apart simply cos she's drifting awy from me..datz usual..she oways gives in....she tots dat wid d presence of him cud make me smile...dat i wun deny la...cos he's still young n aint a prob 2 me...he simply doesnt gv probs..mayb i'm d 1 dat gvs him probs...dat i duno...u guys haf 2 ask him....i waz worried sake 4 him...cos his mom dint let him sms too much...so like he changed his number readi...n gv it 2 me...i'm scared dat his mom wud disallow him 2 msg ppl jz cos of me...i dun want dat...haiz...life seemed diff 4 me...m upset wid ppl...her sentences jz made me feel dat i'm nt in her life nimore...otha impt ppl in her life do haf deir ranks but dun i haf 1??do i still belong 2 u or m i out??tell me seriously....i noe i'm nt a gd sis 2u...at least i noe myself...i noe dat n i dint mention dat u r nt a gd adeq 2 me...i dint mention dat...i dun haf dat in mind...jz dat we cudnt get alng well together...cudnt sms u simply cos u dint sms me...like nanti if i sms takot u sae i sibok je kacau u so like i dun haf d courage 2 sms ya...kalau pat skool pun,kalau jumpe kite jarang bebual...i duno y...maybe cos we got nth 2 talk abt yah...haiz...i duno...since ur abg's presence,i feel dat i gt no chance of getting 2 noe u...so,like i gave up n gave all d task 2 ur abg...he reali did a gd job...an excellent 1 i can sae...noone did more den he cud...so i tell myself i better keep quiet so dat he cud do d job...from dat minute i feel restless n 4 ur info,i do miz u...d momenti tink of u my hart feels d pain...i dint wana tell ya dix but i gt no way out...i gt no courage 2 confront 2 u...since dulu i gt no courage...i noe...so,u can sae wad u wana sae....i'll take it...i'll manage....
my dear,i noe i haven been good enuf 4u...nw,d sng over my blog is 4 u...dulu u sang it 2 me but nw i sing it 2 u...sorry i kant be perfect...i duno y...but i jz kant...it seems dat i've change...changed 2wards u...i'm nt perfect...nt d nadirah whom u usta noe dulu...i noe hajar wud be feeling dix wae too...u guys wun seem 2 get d old nadirah....haiz...i dint undastand u....dint undastand ur feelings n emotions..all ur sacrifice i dint appreciate....all d tings u do 4 me i dint appreciate...yah..i'm like dat...so wad??i dint undastand ppl...i oways haf difficulty in undastanding ppl...wad i oways do is 2 hurt em...hurt deir feelings..destroy all deir hopes n desires.....esp urs...i noe i did dat...did hajar's lng tym ago....BUT do u guys ever gv a damn 2 undastand me??do u??kadang i jz feel alne in dix world widout ppl understanding me....dey sae dey undastand but instead dey dun....dey'll hurt me more...
n nw dat i haf Adha,doesnt mean dat i've ignored u guys...u guys still play an impt role in my life...try undastanding it...wid Adha's presence,i'm jz trying 2 add happiness 2 my life...more happiness i mean...nt d otha way round wer i lost 2 ppl...wad sey like dat??kalau g2 baik tak yah kan...if like dat,more sadness la awaits me....nt happiness...but wadeva it is,jgn salahkan Adha...he's jz sum1 whom i anggap-ed cud gv me happiness....u all tlg la jgn mislead me...pls...i beg u guys...jgn la slh anggap...n sis,dun cos of him u wanna leave me...d drifting apart kills me....dey jz kills me in da hart wen tym passes by....pls dun do dat...i'm on my knees typing dix ting begging u nt 2 do dat....dun leave me....PLEASE....

always and forever lovin' you;
11:13 PM

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