My Ramblings
Saturday, February 28, 2004
been dwn...seriously down mann...tried helping my siz by asking him 2 talk 2 her n giv her chance but i guess i cudnt make it...i'm nt strong enuf 2 make em s per normal bck...i'm so siz...so sorie...i'm too weak nw 2 help u too much...datz d onli ting dat i cud do 2 help ya...i'm myself troubled wid myself...2 hell wid me la..i'm oreadi fed up wid tings happening in my life...bingit sey!damn bingit....i'm irritated n fed up wid dox pipol hu did dat 2 my otha siz...damn arh....y mux it be her??why??my mom waz like maybe drg dendam ngn kau abe lepas kan pat dier...but y mux it be her?y nt me??it's like dey sae dey r related 2 me kan so y babitkan her...y nt settle it wid me??knpa babitkan org yg ak besalah???y??bloody shit la...kalau aku dapat tau sape abes arh...i kant tahan readi sia...haiz...let it be me la...kalau aku mati bgs jugak..i kant stand my life readi...da tak leh tahan...i do feel like giving up dix few daes....sakit hati...s in d sakit type nt gt jealous2 stuffs...it's da painful side of my hart...sakit...it's shouting 4 help but i guess noone cud help...onli me myself n i cud make decisions 4 myself....but i hope my decision wun affect anybody or affect anybody so much arh...kalau bleh i jz wanna die...end my life der n ppl wun get into trouble n haf problems cos of me...2 tell ya all da truth,i often felt like doin dox stupid stuffs...i noe dey r stupid but onli by hurting myself wud tings be better a bit...a bit onli....haiz...
so here goes my decision....i've decided 2 4get him...haiz...tho its painful 4 me...seriously...it's like letting go of sum1 u luv cos of sumbody else....c...history repeating itself again...y mux history repeat itself in my life?/y mux it be me??in my life??WHY???haiz...my hart's at pain nw...it has been hurt by a lot of tings...i tot gt chance bein wid him but i guess nt...i doubt so la...cos i gt my instincts...nw den i use instincts...i noe he luvs d otha sum1 more...so,wer m i suppose 2 be??at da bottom??NO!i dun want 2 be at da bottom...noone wud wana be at d bottom of deir luv ones...so,i hope my decision wun affect hm nor hs kwn2 or wadeva la eh...wun be surprise if he wud be sad....i can guarantee dat but wads d use of bein sad wen u gt sum1 2 luv u ready...wads d use??nt like me...i dun haf ppl 2 luv...u noe la wad i mean...haiz...such a tough decision 2 make...IT HURTS ME!!!u noe nt??of course u dun...haiz....maybe i'm jz bein lame....took d wrong step in d 1st plce..i shudnt haf express my feelings 4 u 2 u...i shudnt haf done dat...n tings wudnt haf cum till dix extent....hate me if u haf 2....i dun mind...ppl r becumin 2 hate me...so,y nt u join em??jz join em la if u want ....i'm oreadi fed up wid my life...living like in hell...haiz.....
always and forever lovin' you;
7:28 PM
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