My Ramblings

Haix... ended up crying afta finish talking ova de fone wid arif.. i duno y.. but i manage 2 control myself frm crying wen i waz still speaking 2 him over de fone dat is... earlier conversation..i told him dat im gonna apply fer de singpass wid my frens tml n maybe we'll be goin 2 de airport 2 c my godsis,kak wahidah n de rest of de available pcs... den he suddenly turned out 2 say dat i shudnt go tml... n i waz like wad? dat wad de first tym he controlled me over things... it took such a long time till he admitted he waz joking ard... c'mon la... u noe derz limit 2 ur joking ard... n i totally hate it wen ppl control me... someone else knew it... she does noe it pretty well dat i hate 2 be controlled by ppl..... datz me... de only me...one hu hates 2 be controlled ... hu likes it aniwae...u tell me lah... being controlled... waz de reason i broke off wid my exs.... trust me.. i hate bein controlled... argh! n he said he waz joking... but i waz oready pissed off... shit lah... i took it seriously n he took it jokingly... argh! maybe wad someone said waz true... we were not meant 2 be together..... im de serious type.... at tyms can la joke ard... but not always...but he's always joking ard... wen will i noe whether he's serious or joking...fer now.... im still myself... looking forward 2 continue de relationship.... i dun want it 2 end jz like dix..... haix.... y cant life be much more easier fer me?? why cant it be?? o level results r out in 2 more days... n it will be a dooms day fer me... i duno wer i will be goin next.... god plz... put me sumwer where i can continue my studies... i wanna continue fer sure.... i regretted fer nt studying hard... i noe it's kinda late but nvm.... c my results... hopefully i'll do well n make my parents n bro proud of me... proud of bein deir daughter n a sister...
haix........... i miiss her... u noe hu u r.... i dun haf 2 mention... maybe u're thinking i've clean forgotten u but heyy,u're once in my life...n still am... i admit dat..... jz wanted u 2 noe dat u're still part of me... n im really sorie if i've neglected u fer so long... i noe im in de wrong... i admit it.... i noe i've been such a nuisance 2 ur life.... tho i dint say it... i noe u wun blame me fer anything.... if u're not blaming me,i'm blaming myself...been blaming myself fer nt taking gud care of u n fer hurting u since den... i left u in de lurch.... haix... i've change... knew dat long ago but yet i kept denying... i used 2 be in de depth of ur heart... i noe dat... de 1st 2 ur priority... u put me b4 urself.... u sacrifice evrything fer me... even ur otha godsis...u neglected em jz fer me... u went out of de gang cox of me... u fyte wid em cox of me... u got injured badly cox of me... u did so much cox of me but i dint c it.... argh! how cud i do dix 2 u... why did i do dix... haixxx......but now,i dun think im still deep in der.... mayb im alreadi outside... i'll accept it if im alreadi outside ur hart.... i wudnt dare 2 step into ur hart cox i'll nvr noe if i wud hurt n break it all over again.... tho noe-ing ur hart is so fragile,i kept breaking it... i noe im in de wrong... dun deny it... dun side me nimore.... blame me... blame me..blame me... all i ask u is 2 blame me..... wad do i do 2 seek forgiveness frm u?? even if u wun forgive me,i'll accept it wid a willing hart.... im in de wrong aniwae... punish me if u want...

=[aku pasrah]=

always and forever lovin' you;
1:38 AM

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