My Ramblings
Sunday, October 23, 2005
so here it is.
it's abt my past.
yes, it's abt my past wid farhan.
i just wanna blog wad he did n dint do.
i dunoe de reason why bt i just feel like writing it down.
read if u people want,dont if dont want lahh.
nothing important oso.
he took my hart away.
i thot he was de one 4 me.
seriously.
i thot he took me seriously.
i mean de relationship wid me.
bt no, i was all wrong.
totally wrong.
i was blinded by love. his love.
all dat sweet words.
all dat sms-es wen we were frens.
dox words wen we werent together yet.
4 once i think, it's all bullshits.
words of fake. words dat r not true.
if u think dat im nt good enuf 4 u,
den y commit into a relationship wid me
in de ferst place?
u said i was de one 4 u.
but yet u pull me thru.
i thot i cud erase dat past of urs.
turn u into sumone better.
u've proved to me dat drinks,clubbing n cigarettes
werent important to u.
u've sumhow manage to stop doing all dat.
i managed to pull u off from smoking.
i managed to control u from dat.
but dont u noe dat attitude of urs just sark?
yes, if i cud just confront u,
i'll just say ur attitude sarks n walk away.
dat attitude which hurt me deep.
for once, i thot dat attitude cud b change.
bt no, i was wrong again.
time n again, i was proven wrong.
nvr did de word break came into my mind.
till de day u uttered, "let's just stay s frens."
hah! u think it's easy to do dat?
to u maybe it's easy bt hell no it wasnt 4 me.
i had to endure de pain. de heart breaking part.
all dox sufferings. haiz.
u wudnt even noe wad i went thru.
wen i was wid u,
i dint even care if i had to go down ur place just
to meet u.
people say i was stoppidd just to do dat.
why?
cos u're staying at admiralty n im staying at bedok.
de travelling distance is verii far.
one hour n a half.
n yett, i dint care.
i dint care wad people say.
i still went on continuing doin all dox.
cos i noe if i dont do dat,
de relationship wudnt go on s smooth s it is.
i took de initiative just to meet u.
even 4 a while.
n once, i went admiralty just to settle things wid u,
waited 2 hrs 4 u.
but in de end, wad i get?
"i think u go home ferst lah. i dont think i can meet u".
dox werds will oways b in my mind.
s easy s datt. one sms is all u can give.
i was all disappointed.heartbroken.devastated.veri hurt.
i sacrifice a lott 4 u.
i sacrifice my time.
even after finishing sch late, i'd still want to meet u.
even if i was tired, i dint care.
even if der were people trying to stop me from meeting u,
i'd still go ahead.
i buy u things. widout de hope of any returns.
i make u things. de hearts in de winnie de pooh bottle.
i took days to complete datt.
i dunoe if u did appreciate all dox.
de shirt i bought 4 u from australia.
i fork out my own money. even if i had to borrow my mom,
i'd still got u ur things.
i nvr fail to attend to ur needs.
i dint care much even if my money was finishing n i had
no more to eat. i dint care dat.
i dint care wen u were wid ur frens n i was left all alone to
fend 4 myself.
u nvr did send me home.
not even once. no, u dint.
all u cared was urself.
ur priorities. n wer does mine come to?
nowhere? nothing impt to u?
i shud think so lahh.
even if u're attending to ur probation,
u cud send me home jugak pe.
wen time to go home, u just send me home lah.
dont go out so late. agak2 time balek den send me home.
ders nothing wrong wid dat.
but u nvr did think of dat, did u?
haix.
frens were ur ferst priority.
i noticed datt.
even ur mom had noticed datt.
see. not me alone.
u gave takraw, soccer, matches, tired-ness s ur excuses.
i dunoe. i think got many more excuses u gave me
wenever i wanted to meet u.
i cudnt care less.
all i need was ur attention.
n i dint get much of dat.
i needed ur company.
i needed ur love.
i needed ur attention.
i needed ur care.
i needed ur concern.
but wad do i get?
nothing s much s possible.
excuses came n go.
it was easy s abc.
yes, u were treating me like noone so special.
not even s a gerlfren.
i sacrifice my evrything just 4 u.
n u did nth in return.
i dint ask much sehh.
all i asked was ur love,care n concern.
itu je. bt itu pun u cudnt meet up.
so wads de point.
a qn. dats always in my mind.
" why did u commit a relationship wid me in de ferst
place u dont intend to do dat in mths to come?"
why dump me wen u're not sure of things?
u said u werent sure whether u love me.
so meaning within dat 3 mths,
kire der was no love larh?
haiz.
and so my hopes,dreams,desires,
all crushed. destroyed.
by him. de him dat i thot was 4 me.
haiz.
it's no use la saying all dix.
he wud read it aniwae.
he doesnt even noe abt dix blog thingie.
im just expressing hatred.
been keeping things n i noe i can no longer keep.
i just wish i cud like tell him.
wad he had done n hadnt.
so dat he'll realise his mistakes n wont
repeat dem to other gerls.
haizzz.
if i were to express it to sumone else,
takot nanti org fikir yg bukan2 pulak.
dat i dont want.
dats why i prefer to blog.
it's easier 4 me to blog rather den talk.
dats me. u haf to accept datt.
so i just hope de next sumone hu's gonna take my
hart away,
he'll take good care of my hart.
u noe hu u r.
i just hope u wont turn out to be like farhan.
cukup la i merana.
i dont wish 4 more.
i just hope u'll mend dix hart.
heal de pain.
prove me u'll heal dat pain he put me into.
i noe u can do it.
mend dix hart n replace ur name on it.
it'll b a great help.
a help i wont find from anyone else.
only u cud do dat.
n i haf faith in u.
u dont worry.
dont worry abt me disappearing witdout trace.
i wont do dat.
i wont go back to him.
trust me.
after wad he has done, ders no way i'd go back to him.
dont think negative okae dearest.
just think positively.
dats all i gotta say.
i dont want to endure another hurt.
i dont wish to.
so please, take proper care of my heart.
please.
dats all i ask for.
all dix werds dat come from me,
i dont think it's enuf.
de entry is not enuf compared to de pain
i've endured.
it's still not enuf. nothing is enuf.
writing will nvr be enuf.
like i've said, it's no point writing it out
wen he cant even read dix whole damn thing.
p.s: to loverboi, i miss u. i miss u. i miss u.
satu hari tak bebual ngn u mcm rindu sgt sehh.
tak bley tahan lahh. i feel like meeting u bt i noe cannot.
unless u pat bedok bleh la jumpe kan.
alahh, i miss u so much lahh. how u?
i'll just wait 4 u to call me layters den.
love u. miss u so much. muacks!
*hugs u tightly*
always and forever lovin' you;
9:04 PM
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