My Ramblings
Sunday, October 16, 2005
loverboi, zack, chucky,black, boi,rhino,
fira n silah.
ate at de chicken rice stall at bugis.
after buke-ing,
we went straight to geylang.
sumbody thot 12 go geylang bt den it dint.
we were lost fer a while.
padahal pat bedok south sehh.
slamat we went to ask de bus driver bt
think it was too late lahh.
da smp bedok south.
near marine parade der.
lucky der was 13 nearby.
so we took 13 to geylang den.
by de time we reach geylang ard 930pm already.
we lost a lot of time travelling. hah!
so we jus walk walk n walk.
s usual.
takde bende lahh.
unless ders purpose of buying things lars.
other den dat,
people oways say it's for cuci mater.
hahahahaha.
suke lah bdk2 lelaki smlm.
tgk pompan sane sni.
lols.
bla bla bla.
den evrybody go home lor.
malas ah nk crite panjang2.
n den i cried.
yes i did.
dats after i talked to loverboi.
i was all quiet on de fone.
n listening to evry word he said in de backgrd.
Loverboi,
you dont haf to say sorry okae.
i wasnt hurt abt wad u said.
eh wait.
okae. maybe a lil bit lahh.
bt not so many many ke ape lars.
i was still crying wen talking to u.
dats why i dint dare to say so much.
takot nanti u dgr i nangis n den laters u'll get all worried.
tanak sehh.
so dats de reason why i remained all quiet n asked fira
to conference together wid us.
if not, guarentee u diam,i pon diam.
cos suddenly my mind was runnind wild.
sorry if suggesting fira to call wasnt a good idea.
sorry tauu.
cos i noe wen ders fira, i'll talk.
gerls understand gerls better.
i told u dat smlm kan?
remember?
i do want u to understand me.
yes i do want.
but kadang, guys refuse to understand gerls
wen gerls want to understand dem.
get wad i mean?
n i do want to understand u.
im trying really hard to understand u.
n i noe i can do it.
believe me okae.
i was all sad because i was SCARED.
yes, i was scared dat u'll leave me 4 sumone else.
like de way farhan left me.
he nvr left me bcos of sumone else n i still dunoe
why he left me.
all he said was he wasnt ready to commit n let us
just stay s frens 4 de time being.
easier said den done. hah!
it's always easy to become lovers after being frens
BUTTTT
it is ALWAYS DIFFICULT to become frens after being lovers.
de feeling is just so different.
verii strange n yett awkward.
i wanted to let it out to u.
i mean be open-minded to you 4 wad farhan had done to me
n dat i dont wish 4 it to be repeated again.
but den i takot later u dont wanna listen.
at times kan ader org tanak dgr people's past experience.
n de experience i had was real bad.
u ask fira.
i told her evrything.
okae. partly evrything lars.
bt den if u want to hear it from me myself,
den i'll b glad to share it wid u.
i dont mind u want to listen.
noone did understood wad i went thru.
absolutely noone.
i did want at least 4 sumone to understand wad im facing.
u think dat'll be dat someone?
or is der already a sumone?
hah.
i hope so.
i dont want history to repeat.
cos part of de history sarks.
menderite. merane. n all dox hurtings i've been thru.
i dont wish to overcome dem again.
tak sanggup. tanak sehh.
dat is why,
all i wanted is to be wid you.
so much to be wid you.
for you to haf genuine n real feelings 4 me.
n not fooling ard wid smth dats called de heart.
to be true n always sincere.
if ders fakeness in a relationship,
den it's not a relationship already.
like if ders actions in it.
u do it bt widput any feelings.
act,act n act only.
like berlakon.
i dont wish to noe datt.
i dont wanna noe.
n yes, all i want is YOU.
i hated to go thru de difficult part of life.
love life especially.
cos i noe i'll cock up
n screwed myself up.
make myself worst den ever.
like once i slashed my wrists.
slashed badly.
okae. nt once bt a few times.
n it's all cos of guys.
sumpah.
i dont lie.
i still haf de marks if nt 4 de name on my hands.
i still haf pictures of it.
hah!
i noe it's stoopiiidd.
n i dont care.
cos de guys dont even care whether i die or not.
so why care rite?
hah!
nvm lahh.
i hope u wont let me even do de next slashing of de wrists again.
i had too much sufferings n i dont wish to go thru it again.
kalau lah tejadi, i dunoe lah wads gonna happen to me.
not to love again maybe.
ntahlahh.
dat i besearch you.
always and forever lovin' you;
8:44 PM
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