My Ramblings
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
an entry dedicated to special sumone.
s mentioned im sumone hu doesnt like to be forced.
nor do i like to force people.
so let me say my piece here okae.
listen tauu.
read properly.
understand de meanings in all my words.
dont misunderstood any of dem.
cos misunderstandings can lead to so many things.
good n bad.
ferst n foremost,
i've been thinking dix thru since dat day.
days aint any good.
i dunoe if im thinking dix straighly or not lahh.
but i just gotta think of smth
n let u noe abt it.
dats wad i feel la.
so here im gonna say.
confused s it may seems.
try to understand.
i came to realise.
forcing aint getting any better.
i cant force love.
i want to but i just cant.
it's not niice wen people noe abt
smth like a force love.
wad will people say?
how will dey look at us if dat were
to happen?
not nice to de eyes n ears.
haiz.
forcing is like equals to sympathy.
if u force love, den it's not naturally love.
u go onto a relationship cos of sympathy den
it's not called love too.
sympathy doesnt even play a part.
but true feelings does.
dats wad im havin now for u.
true feelings.
but i dunoe abt u.
i noe u're confused whether u want to
be wid me or not.
i noe datt.
take it s i can feel it lah okae.
confuse?
haiz.
der aint any feelings 4 me?
i dunoe. i dunoe. i dunoe.
only u have de answers to all dox qns.
wadever ur decision is,
i'll respect it okae.
if can.....
if possible....
i want to stay wid u.
i want to be wid u fer s long s i live.
i want to share evry bits n pieces of life wid u.
i want to go thru thick n think wid u.
i want to be hapie wid u.
i want to see de REAL smile.
not de fake one.
i want to share ur burden.
i want to do evrything wid u.
if only i cud den i wud.
u shall decide whether i'll be able to
do all dox mentioned.
not to say i dont want u.
i do want u.
u noe dat veri well.
u're sumone special to me.
sumone valuable to me.
sumone dearest to me.
i came to realise
i was like forcing u not to leave me de other time.
thinkin n thinkin abt it.
i was like forcing.
dat i dont like.
i dont wish to leave u.
no i dont.
i dont even haf de intention.
but if u insists on asking me to leave u,
n dat wud make u hapie,
i'll b glad to do dat.
s long s i can see dat REAL smile
fer de last time,
dat will b great enuf.
my happiness?
dont think of dat.
u happy i happy.
good enuf rite.
if dats wad u really want,
den i'll respect it n
i'll take my leave.
leave n not come back.
cos wen i come back,
i noe i'll b reminded of de past.
i dont ask u to leave me.
but if u insist,
wad cud i do?
like nothing kan?
halang u pergi?
kalau la i bley buat gitu,
it'll b good.
but i doubt so.
i cant force love.
n i wont.
i dont like people forcing demself
just to love me.
i want true feelings.
not make up ones.
not fake ones.
im crying out writing even dix.
too sad.
but i just feel like pouring out evrything.
if it happens dat u're gonna leave me in
few mths to come,
i dunoe wad i shall say.
i dunoe even if i cud say anything.
cos i will b kept mum by de tears
flowing continuosly.
haiz.
of course i dont want to b hurt again.
hu want?
i really dont want to be hurt
over n over n over
again.
bley matilah mcm nie.
haiyo.
heartache.
i dont wish to noe dat u've given
fake kisses.
fake smiles.
fake hugs.
fake happiness.
fake words.
fake sweet words.
fake names.
i really do not want to noe all dox FAKES.
i dont wannt hear u're faking dem.
cos it'll hurt a lot if it happens dat all of
dox are fake.
i hope all dat u've given to me,
are all dox REAL ones.
i trust u.
i just hope u understand my words.
understand my whole purpose of writing.
evrything clearer to u?
i hope so.
till here i shall stop.
before things get any worsen.
always and forever lovin' you;
2:46 AM
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