My Ramblings

oh wells, u made me remember today's date. swiit date? it used to be but it's left in de memory. hais. u've finally realised dat u've made a mistake by letting me go. dats according to you. "maybe i m stopiid enuf to make dat decision; letting you go." hmmmm... and you're asking for me back now. hais. i really sersely dunoe lah. i hate to make decisions especially wen it comes to the difficult parts sia. haiyah. thinkin of getting back wid you. hmmmm... r u willing to commit to de relationship? i dont want wad happened in de past to repeat. im jus scared. i want things to change. r u willing to change jus cos of me? for the sake of me? r u willing to spare time for me? even the distance? i dont wish to compare. i dont want to force you to spare time for me like i used to wen we were together. i dont like to force ppl to do things. i was like de only one most of de time, having the semangat-ness of meeting you. and wen u want to meet me, it's oways me who has to go der. yess, go west coast. why cant it be you who has to come down here; bedok? at tyms can la i g sane bt nt most of de time. fairness is needed. sumore u're a guy tau and im de gerl. i feel like it's vice versa. and i hate to feel like im doing de guy's part.

i used to even skip lectures/tutorials jus to meet you. the time i spared, i dunoe if it's appreciated. smpkan my frens even tegur-ed saying, "eh, y nana often skip lectures/tutorials nowadays ah?"... my bestfren reminded me wen we had a talk in sch. i jus said i bad gerl mah. dats why i do dat. hah! i jus dont wish to elaborate. dey dint noe i skipped lessons jus to meet you at west coast. i oways give de excuse i got smth on to settle and stuffs. bt i tink after reading dix entry, dey wud alreadi noe la. sorry yah darlings. i dint mean to keep things frm you two.
so yesss, if only my time was returned. hah! if only! bt nvm, it's all in de past. tak gune ungkit2 lagik. dont hate me for saying all dix kay. it's all de truth. de truth dat you had to noe.

trusting people is another thing. i was stupiid to trust people so much. since young i oways haf de hart of trusting people a lot and in de end, people give me shiieettss. even my bestfrens. dey used to be frens i trusted most bt cos of such word s betrayal, den frenship got shaky. wen ders betrayal, it's difficult to bring in trust animore. so get wad i mean? after things happen, i've learnt a lot of things. which was not to easily trust people. and nw, it's really difficult for me to trust wad you people say unless u're sumone whom i really can trust. like asilah or shalini or zhiyi or maybe sum ppl more. other than dat, im not too sure jus yet. i dunoe ah. i hope i dont hurt you people la. maybe im nt close to some. dats why ders not much trusting in us. pls do understand me dat im being put under a difficult situation. i dunoe whether wad people say nowadays r de truth. people do and can lie. and it hurts. understand me okay. unless you can prove to me sumhow, and make me trust you again. if not, i dunoe wad to say. hais.

i cannot sleep and it's freaking 5am. shesshhh! damnn, i hate to think. can i jus knock my head against de wall? can i? hahahha. dont worry la. i wont do anything stupiid. nt jus yet. hahaha!

always and forever lovin' you;
4:30 AM

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